Yesterday I left the house in Atchison for the last time.  I drove down the tree-shaded street with tears running down my face, past the pond, past the hospital, Kevin's grocery store, and across the bridge.   It was hard to leave my husband behind one more time, though he'll be moving here soon.  Even more, I was grieving leaving my grown children "down there" and far away.  It's a big life change for all of us.  Late last night or early this morning (depending on your view of midnight), I arrived home in Halstad.  I was glad to arrive, to get out of the car and out of the rain, but even more, I was glad to be home.  As I dragged my suitcase and my tired body in, I was greeted by a note and a jar of sunny tulips.  More tears came brought on by gratitude, exhaustion, and knowing that I am not alone.

The shortest verse in the Bible is this one:  "Jesus wept", John 11:35.  Despite all the Christmas carols that tell us differently, Jesus did cry, even as adult.  The  context of this verse is the story of the death of his friend Lazarus.  

This story is full of descriptions of grieving: tears, disbelief, questions of God and others, anger, despair, hope, comfort, and the need for the support of family and friends.  It is in this setting, when Jesus is finally with Mary and the others, seeing their tears, and he prepares to see Lazarus' grave, that Jesus cries.  Sharing their grief, Jesus is moved to share his own tears; the death and loss of his friend becomes real.

There is so much we don't know about the life of Jesus, what we do know is important.  But why this?  Is this just included so that students have a tiny short verse to memorize?   

We confess that Jesus is both divine and earthly, God and human.  So, when Jesus weeps, it means that God cries.  One of the things this Gospel story teaches us is that God cried.  Ponder that a moment.  God cried.  As Jesus stood in the company of friends and shared their tears and grief, so God stands in company with us, sharing our tears, hearing our anger, questions, and pain and God brings hope.

Somehow it helps me to know that God knows how to cry, and has felt sadness and pain.  It makes God more approachable.  When we cry and find ourselves in the midst of  things so hard or immense that we don't understand what is happening, it is okay.  We don't have to explain the unexplainable: what we are feeling or why we are acting the way we are.  God knows.  God has been there.  Jesus wept, and died, and rose again.  Even when we can't find the words to pray,  the Holy Spirit speaks and advocates for us "with sighs too deeps for words" (Romans 8:26-27). 

Knowing this, silent prayer is no longer failure on our part, but a discipline of trusting the Spirit to pray for us what is most needed and deepest felt in our hearts.