Then we moved back to the cutting and styling area and conversation began. She began by asking what I wanted her to do with my hair and moved on to asking about me. She's a stylist I haven't seen before so she asked what I do. I wondered what her reaction would be as I told her that I am a Lutheran pastor.
I felt her somewhat wary response. She wanted to know more about what church I served and what kind of Lutheran I am. She kept hesitating and finally asked if I was one of "those" Christians or if I was - and at this point she kind of lost words. So I finished the sentence for her, "I'm an ELCA pastor, we are the welcoming Lutherans."
By this time, I had kind of an idea of where she was going. It's a question a lot of younger adults ask with their tattoos and varied lives, they are searching to find out if it is safe to be themselves in front of me. Will I accept or will I judge.
She sighed and visibly relaxed. Then she began to talk about herself and her struggles to find a place accepting not of just her, but also family and friends that are gay or different in one way or another. We talked about how it can be so agonizing to tell our family about very deep and important things about us. She had a relative who recently told the family that he was quitting his career and going to seminary. He was convinced everyone would be shocked and aghast. Their actual response? 'Duh! What took you so long!'
We moved from that to people we knew who have come out of the closet and admitted openly to themselves and others that they are gay. And sometimes the response is the same, a sort of 'I could have told you that years ago'. But it remains an agonizing experience and the person is not always welcomed anymore, even by their family.
She asked how I held this together with my faith. (By now, this haircut was becoming serious conversation.) I told her that first I looked to Jesus, what he did and what he says and when I do that, I see a life spent in welcoming the least of these my brothers and sisters. He was always getting into trouble with those in power because of the outcasts, sinners, and disreputable people that he ate with and forgave. Over and over, Jesus says we will be known by our love, that this is the sign of discipleship.
By now my hair was cut and dried and our conversation done. She gave me a radiant smile and thanked me as I thanked her for the great cut. As I waited for my husband, I thought about our conversation. What had started out as chat between strangers had become holy dialogue about welcome versus judgment. Would I accept her and the people she loved?
Isn't this the question we all have of God? Does God really love us, accept us as we are, or is there some sort of sword of doom hanging over our heads?
I am so grateful that I was listening carefully enough to hear the question she didn't know how to ask at first and that I didn't turn the conversation into a lecture or sermon. For that I have to thank a friend of mine who left his church because he said he was tired of being tolerated when he needed to be accepted and loved.
Opportunities for these conversations happen all around us if we open our minds and ears to hear not only what is being said but to also hear what the heart is saying under the words. If we let ourselves get distracted by arguing about the way things have always been or how they should be, we may miss the opportunity to share the "old, old story" of Jesus and his love. Once we meet and get to know one another and meet in Christ's love, then we can go on from there to talk more, but first, we need to meet in a safe and welcome place. Christ's love is a good place to begin. Read John 13:34-35 and Mark 9:42
