Toxic Waste

       My two sons are about 2 and a half years apart.  They always have been each other's best friend and best adversary.   As little kids will, they fought a lot when they were small over everything from "he touched me!" to taking turns or sharing or disagreeing.
       One time, it got so bad that I felt the need to intervene before someone got hurt.  We talked and got to the point where I asked them to forgive each other and make up.  That's when one of them stood straight with arms folded and said very loudly and stubbornly, "No!  I'm not ready to be sorry.  I still want to be mad."
        His intention was to stay mad at his brother and hold on to that anger.  Fortunately, at their very young ages, it didn't take long before wanting to play together became a greater need than enjoying being angry and they were soon off playing together again.  Even today, I would feel sorry for anyone who tried to come between them.
       But at the same time, I think my son gave voice to something that we often feel but don't usually have enough nerve to admit to ourselves much less to say to out loud.
       "No!  I'm not ready to be sorry.  I still want to be mad."
       There are times when we almost enjoy being angry.  We relish it, feeling self-righteous; especially when we are convinced we are in the right and have been put upon unfairly.  It starts there, feeling justified.  But when we hang on to it, nurse it, and feed it by rehearsing re-playing it over and over, then our hurt and anger become dangerous and toxic.  The common reaction is to avoid the other person and stop talking to them and so we hurt ourselves.  Like the quote I heard, "Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
       When Christian community works, we are able to hold each other accountable to living faithfully, encouraging one another to love and forgive one another and working together to serve those in need.  Living in community enables us to live faith more fully than we might otherwise be inclined to by ourselves.  Like candles in the darkness, the shared light of our faith shines brighter than any one flame.
       Unfortunately, group dynamics can also serve to amplify anger and resentment, feeding division and seeming to give it approval.  That this happens to congregations shouldn't surprise us, after all, a congregation is a gathering of people with all our foibles, sins, and flaws.  But as people who follow Jesus, the measure of our behavior is not "the majority rules" but to look to the teaching and action of Jesus.
       Jesus is very clear about how we are to live with one another.  Together we are the body of Christ. "Dear Christ gathered" was a favorite way the early church named itself.  And living together requires lots of love and lots of forgiveness; more forgiveness than we can count and record.  Those without faith, those searching for faith, and those whose faith is young or weak are watching.  Our witness, like Jesus feeding the hungry, is to be overflowing with forgiveness, a gift of abundance.  And when we forgive the other, we find ourselves freed to live into the future.
       This forgiveness is not something we can accomplish on our own; we are only able to forgive because we have first been forgiven - like it says in the Lord's prayer.  And although people sometimes describe forgiveness like erasing the board clean, many people have reflected that it is more of a process that takes time.  Which is okay; God has lots of time.  What is important is that we keep coming back to be forgiven and to forgive.  Read Matthew 18:18-22.

Teach Your Children Well

Confirmation begins again this month, and a whole new class of seventh graders will begin their Wednesday afternoons in class.  They will hear again what I tell every new class.  Their journey to confirmation began at their baptism and what I teach and what they will learn was set out before most of them were old enough to talk!  In fact, what I teach and what they will study was set out long before my infancy.

It begins with the promises made by our parents and godparents at our baptisms.  The pastor asks them to promise to fulfill the obligations to:

            “to live with them among God's faithful people,

            bring them to the word of God and the holy supper,

            teach them the Lord's Prayer, the Creed, and the Ten Commandments,

            place in their hands the holy scriptures,

            and nurture them in faith and prayer”.

These things are promised so that the children may learn to live out their faith in the communion of the church and as a witness in the community of the world.

            Now comes the interesting fact that many parents would like to forget.  The promise is for the parents (and or godparents in their stead) to teach their children these basics of faith by word and action.  No word is made of confirmation as class or schooling.  In fact, Luther wrote the small catechism for parents to use in teaching their children at home.

            In spite of the long history and shared expectations that pastors should and will teach confirmation, the biblical and early church traditions are that faith is taught at home.  That’s where Jesus learned scripture and faith basics.  And whether or not we are aware of what we are teaching, we teach our children by what we do and don’t do at home. 

            I often hear young adults say they feel church is important but they want their children to make up their own minds when they are older.  I challenge them, saying that if they do not bring their children to church and Sunday School, they will have already taught their children that faith and worship are not important.  That they didn’t go as a family will teach the children a lesson that will be difficult to overcome later in life.

            Also, by not teaching and experiencing the basics of faith: the Lord’s prayer, the Apostles’ Creed, scripture, and feeding that faith at the Lord’s table, those children will miss out on the great consolation faith is late in life.  Alzheimer’s, stroke, and other diseases or disorders often related to old age can diminish or threaten to take away the comprehension and memories that make us who we are.  But I experience over and over again that the pattern of life-long, lived-in faith gives hope and comfort even when everything seems lost: the Lord’s prayer, the words of communion, or the giving of the bread and wine will bring a response.  The person will remember and join us in spite of their condition.

            I believe that is able to happen because the habit of faith and participation in the “communion of saints” has been life-long.  The words and actions are so ingrained in the pathways of the heart and brain that even the closeness of death cannot erase them.  I am humbled and honored to have witnessed this consolation of faith many times.

            That is a gift that we can begin to give to our children (all the children in our midst are part of our – God’s family) by passing on the words and patterns of faith early and often. 

            It begins with baptism, with the gift of God’s grace through faith.  We nurture it with every prayer, shared table, and sung hymn.  We give it the power of witness every time we gather in worship, every gesture of caring, and every gift of sharing.  We are all witness and teachers.  Read Deuteronomy 11:18-21